I saw a post that said “Happy couples don’t share on social media” and it annoyed me enough to write this post.
Back in 2007, I had no clue that I’d meet the person who I’d want to be with for the rest of my life. Mary and I met at the movies when the first Madea movie hit theaters, and I pretty much fell in love with her then and didn’t even realize it.
Now if you noticed, I said 2007, which is when Facebook first came out. Sure, we had Myspace but it’s obvious that Facebook has become much more important. I can still remember the way that I asked her about making our relationship official:
“Let’s change our Facebook statuses.” Her response was “Do what now?!” Definitely not the most effective way to ask a girl to date you, but I was 19 and it worked, so whatever!
Over the past ten years, I’ve shared a WHOLE lot about Mary and I. Many pictures, a lot of lovey-dovey comments and statuses, and a few videos here and there. In fact, if you go back through the history of my Facebook account, it’s genesis pretty much starts with her and I.
But when I saw that post saying that truly happy couples don’t post their about their relationship on social media, I almost threw my phone. The article said things like "They don't have time, because they're too busy being with each other. I get it. Their with each other and not on their phones. I totally agree. But I'm not sure how realistic it is that a couple is that constant with being in each other's faces. I'm sure there's some sort of apart time, haha. Either way, to me what I read was the craziest opinion-turned-false fact that I’ve read (aside from those I’ve seen in politics). I decided that I’d write about my opinion and vantage concerning the matter.
Here’s why I choose to post about our relationship:
“We’re all screwed because we never had the tools” – Jay-Z. You know that saying that comes straight from Scripture, “walk by faith, not by sight.” That’s great, but I know that most of us still walk a great deal by what we see. So, what happens if all that we see is brokenness and non-functional relationships? We might believe for something better, but a lot of people haven’t seen a functioning relationship. I can’t count the number of people that I’ve run across who say me and Mary’s relationship was the first real, happy, and steady relationship that they’ve seen. I’m talking about people that were 16, up to 60. Think about that, 60 years old and they’ve never seen one in their whole life. (Did you start singing Blue Ivy’s freestyle just now? Haha). In fact, I’ve met people who were car enthusiasts like me, and we ended up talking about how they don’t know how to maintain a good relationship and need advice. Why do I think that happens? Because most MEN don’t talk. But that’s another topic that I’m saving for a later project with a few buddies.
If I believe that God created me to be a light and example of His goodness, then how could I not show how great He’s been to me in my marriage? How could I choose to hold back the evidence of happiness that came from consistency, commitment, and hard work? Not saying that it’s for everyone to do it in the way that I do it, but when people see it, they have something extra that they can use as an example for their own lives.
This point is very important because it’s more than philosophical – it’s not even something that can be debated. I do it because that’s what I want to do and I have the energy to do it. Period. Point. Blank. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this point.
“Nobody wins when the family feuds” -Jay-Z. I’ve watched too many black families feud over the craziest stuff. I’ve even been a part of it. But as a great preacher once said, “If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.” The narrative of the black family has been messed up for a while. Sure, we had the Huxtables. We saw Good Times. But it’s even more powerful when it’s someone that you know, who you grew up with, and that you can actually hang out with making something happen. Too long I heard about what black men do and don’t do. How we’re dogs and all of that (and I wonder where that all came from).
I can't even count the number of black men who told me "I'm just in the honeymoon phase and it will all change", as if their misery had something to do with my choice to be happy.
Instead of going with all of that, I sought out what I wanted to emulate. We did the same thing when we decided to get out of debt. Just like a business owner seeks out other successful business owners to learn from, I sought out successful couples, and I was able to start with my own parents. I realized that success meant mistakes, flaws, sacrifices, and less-than-perfect conditions. So I adapted my thinking and began to display my change publicly, not even thinking that it might change someone else’s mindset too.
The issue I have is that we want change, and to see change, and then when we see it we attack it! So, regardless of what opinions people might have, I choose to do what I believe is right to change the story that people see. By no means are we perfect, and we’ve had ups and downs like everyone else. There is nothing new under the sun after all. Yet, with that said I’d rather show people like my now 15-year-old brother (who is dating by the way – I’m not ready!) what the real is rather than let a made-up TV show or movie teach him a lie.
So, here’s my closing statement: To each their own. I don’t knock anyone who doesn’t like to share their relationship stuff. In fact, not everyone should. Mary doesn’t even post on social media because it’s not really her thing, so don’t take what I’m saying as a “This is what KP said everyone should do.” It’s simply that I feel the idea that happy people don’t share is ridiculous. While I agree that there are some who share stuff that isn’t real, there are still many who share their truth and it shouldn’t be dismissed. So, if you’re happy to share, share! If you’re happy not sharing, don’t! But take this as saying I want to be a part of helping to be happy and successful in their marriages, and life in general. After all, “what’s better than one billionaire? Two.” What’s better than one happy couple? Two. You get it?!